The Three Drivers

The Three Drivers

The Robot

Primary Roles: The Screen, Autopilot, The Familiar Zone

Most decisions are unconscious, shaped by past conditioning.

Our brains seek comfort by making sense of the world through existing beliefs.

This leads us to fill in gaps with stuff we make up and distort perceptions to confirm what we already believe.

The Screen is the analogy for how we use memories of past experiences to filter sensory input, giving meaning to what’s happening now. Nothing has meaning until we decide it does.

Emotional reactions are based on the Robot’s interpretation—the screen—not on reality itself.

The gap between perception and reality can be surprisingly vast.

Most of our behavior is driven by the Robot, operating unconsciously and efficiently to save energy.

Autopilot habits were programmed in the past and may no longer serve us. Bad habits often had an emotional payoff when formed, but we may still follow them even if they now harm us.

The Robot operates only from what it knows, representing the familiar and the known.

It defends the familiar zone, driven by fear of the unknown or being wrong. To avoid uncertainty, we often make things up or distort perceptions to feel right.

When the Robot can't make sense of a situation or distort it to fit, it triggers alarm mode, shifting Emotion into Protection mode.

 

Emotion

Primary Role: Motivation

“Many psychological scientists now assume that emotions are the dominant driver of most meaningful decisions in life. Put succinctly, emotion and decision making go hand in hand.” - Annual Review of Psychology

We can simplify our motivation into a drive to CREATE and a drive to PROTECT.

The drive to create is our desire to bring value into the world, shaping our self-worth and sense of purpose.

We feel fulfilled and happy when we contribute in ways that matter to us. This drive thrives on the belief that we can make an impact—without it, our creativity is blocked.

Creating is the source of purpose, fulfillment, and many positive emotions like joy and happiness.

We are triggered when we perceive danger and our ability to create is blocked or restricted.

Our brain switches from Create to Protect.

We are triggered by different things.

Getting triggered is how we put other people in charge of our lives.

When we perceive a threat, our brain shifts into protection mode.

This blocks creativity, narrows focus to the trigger, and consumes our attention.

While we feel engaged, it’s driven by negative emotions like fear, anger, anxiety, or withdrawal, leaving us feeling stuck.

The Resilient skill teaches how to prevent or exit protection mode.

 

Logic

Primary Roles: Debugging, Orienteering

Conscious decision-making with Logic uses much more energy than relying on automatic processes, so we can’t sustain it for long.

Since Emotion drives motivation, we often use Logic to justify what we want, sometimes to our own detriment.

Logic helps us override the Robot’s default interpretation of reality, allowing us to see the world more accurately.

By using critical thinking and analysis, we can process sensory information without being constrained by past experiences or biases.

The Robot naturally seeks to confirm existing beliefs and "be right," but Debugging lets us consciously correct these errors, ensuring our emotions are based on a clearer understanding of reality.

This function is explored in the Unbiased skill.

While the Robot excels at maintaining the status quo, it resists change and creating something new.

Logic steps in to help us navigate change by staying grounded in the present, clarifying our goals and purpose, and mapping the steps needed to achieve them.

This process is explored in depth in the Purposeful skill.

The Four Skills

Purposeful

KEEP JUGGLING

  • Being Purposeful means paying attention to:
    • Purpose: What and Why
    • Plan: How and When
    • Present: Measures and Reminders

  • What and Why
  • What uses Logic. Tangible and specific targets in the future.
  • Why uses Emotion: What will it feel like along the way and when you are there? What is your fuel source?

We create both tangible things and intangible experiences, each engaging in different ways:

  • Tangible things are the "what" you create, often expressed as goals. Goals are engaging until achieved, but without a meaningful "why," they lose their power.
  • Intangible experiences are the "why" behind creation, like feeling accomplished, making a difference, or creating a better world.

Pleasures vs. Gratifications:

  • Pleasures engage the senses and emotions. They are short-lived and easy to access (e.g., eating, watching a movie, scrolling social media).
  • Gratifications fulfill higher needs (cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization). They involve long-term effort and bring a sense of wholeness (e.g., parenting, creating art, or playing sports).

The VIA Character Strengths Survey can help you discover what you find most gratifying.

Happiness Formula: Happiness = Reality - Expectations. Use this as a guide when deciding what to create.

  • How and When

Develop a concrete plan that has the ability to flex and adjust as challenges are met.

We are most engaged with a challenge that feels 4% greater than our abilities.

 

There are four categories of engagement/payoff:

Bad Now / Bad Later: This engagement should be avoided.  This can be bad habits, or actions driven by despair and apathy.

Good Now / Bad Later: In moderation this type of payoff can be fine, and can look like splurging on something you want to buy, or eating something unhealthy. We don’t have to be perfect all the time to create a good life, but this engagement is also not a good source of meaningful engagement.

Bad Now / Good Later: This is when we endure something we don’t want to do in the present, in order to get a payoff down the road.  This is the most common type of motivation used. This looks like completing an exercise routine we don’t like, for the benefit of a healthy life.

Good Now / Good Later: This is the ideal motivator, but can be harder to find. It’s doing something you enjoy that brings a payoff later, like people who enjoy exercise or love their job.

 

  • Measures and Reminders

“You can’t get there from not here.” If we venture forth in the world with an inaccurate understanding of present reality, we will constantly be met with failure and frustration.  This leads to disengagement.

We sometimes deny the present reality because we don’t want to deal with it. Other times we tell ourselves lies or half-truths to feel better about it. There are also truths that we just don’t know.

Is also important to understand what is motivating us and/or driving  in the present reality.  Being motivated by Protection creates engagement, but not in a positive way.  The Robot drives behavior, but behaviors that we are not engaged in.

This is a good place to use the be Unbiased and Collaborative objectives.

 

 

Unbiased

BE CURIOUS

  • Bias stems from predetermined beliefs about the present.
  • We can achieve unbiased thinking on a specific topic—for a short time—with support.
  • Bias leads to logical errors when we defend the familiar or prioritize satisfying emotions.
  • Remaining unbiased requires significant mental energy.
  • Being unbiased means staying open to different or even competing information.

  • We can’t see past our biases without a sense of curiosity.
  • Are you willing to learn something new or be wrong about something you believe?
  • Bias comes from predetermined beliefs about the present, but with help, we can be unbiased about a specific topic for a short period of time.

“Are you curious?” is an easier question to answer than “are you biased?”. It’s easier to identify when we feel curious and when we don’t. We can’t see past our biases without a genuine sense of curiosity. We must be aware of the difference between wanting to see what is, and looking for information that validates what we want to see.

It’s difficult to see our bias, because we don’t think our bias is a bias. If you don’t feel curious, bias is in charge and your Robot will protect the familiar zone. Are you willing to learn something new or be wrong about something you believe? Being Unbiased starts with knowing that you are biased and being willing to challenge it.

Are you being creative or protective? It is very difficult to challenge our bias when triggered into Protection mode. If you are triggered, it’s time to deploy the be Resilient objective.

  • Being unbiased takes a lot of energy.
  • Use this question as a drive to be willing to change your beliefs or perceptions.
  • The stronger the bias, the higher the stakes have to be to override it.

We simply do not have the time or mental energy to constantly question our thinking.

The Robot usually drives, which means most of your thinking is based on bias, or past conditioning. We have to pick and choose when to spend our limited Logic energy.

Use this answer to determine how much time you will devote to this.

  • What do you want to see?
  • Are you hoping for confirmation of what you currently believe to be true?
  • Being unbiased requires being open to different or competing information.

Bias is hard to see, but it is easier to identify what you want to be right about – which is bias.

We can then remember that we overvalue the things we want to be right about and prevent confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias often disguises itself as curiosity. We think we are looking for what’s true when we are actually looking to protect the familiar zone.

  • What sources are you basing your decision on?
  • Who are you basing your decision on?
  • Being unbiased requires challenging what is thought to be true and listening to diverse and/or expert sources.

Deciding on what – and on whom – you will base your decision can help you be more unbiased.

  • What are your sources?
  • Are you the right source?
  • Is it time to collaborate?
  • Are you listening to someone who knows more than you or who just agrees with you?
  • Do you have a diversity of sources?

How diverse are your sources? If 4 out of 5 experts agree on something, and you agree with the 5th, you must have strong evidence to support that decision.

Is this based on facts or opinion? We often have to make decisions without having all the facts, but we should seek out as many facts as possible, and know the difference between what is known to be true and what is thought to be true.

Resilient

Creation is the Drive to bring what you value into the world.

Protection is the Drive to restore or defend what you value.

We are triggered when we perceive danger and our ability to create is blocked or restricted.

Being Resilient is about being triggered less and spending less time there when you are.

Being triggered is how we put other people in charge of our lives.

  • We are triggered when we perceive danger and our ability to create is blocked or restricted.
  • Being triggered is how we put other people in charge of our present reality.
  • Understanding if something is personal helps us better interpret our lives.

Start by asking: “Is this personal?” This question is easier to answer because being triggered often feels personal. Becoming un-triggered is about feeling safe again or realizing it isn’t personal.

When triggered, we often focus outward, blaming what caused the reaction. We feel disrespected, ignored, attacked, or criticized, and the source consumes our attention.

Resilience begins with taking charge of your internal experience and not giving control to external factors.

Most of the time, we’re not in immediate danger, and recognizing that helps restore a sense of safety.

Other people are focused on their own internal experiences, often not even knowing what they did felt personal to us.

  • Being triggered switches our brain into Protection mode.
  • This means the more triggered we are, the more protective we become.
  • Understanding how triggered we are can help us better perceive our present reality and understand what we are protecting.

There are different degrees of being triggered. The more triggered we are, the harder it is to fix and the more self-focused we become.

  • Level 1: I WANT to fix this, and I’m focused on you.
  • Level 2: I NEED to fix this, I’m done with you. I only care about what triggered me.
  • Level 3: I’m DESPERATE to fix this, and I only care about me.

  • Understanding what we are protecting helps us better understand what we fear.
  • Are you protecting yourself from a real-life threat?

“What are you protecting?” is the best question to uncover what is causing you to feel unsafe.  If we feel completely safe, we are not triggered.

So, what is the real source of the threat?

It’s helpful to remember that Protection is the Drive to restore or defend what you value.

  • When we feel safe, we aren’t triggered.
  • Being resilient is about being triggered less and spending less time there when you are.
  • Getting untriggered is about feeling safe again.

We have different approaches to threat hardwired into our brains. Fight, Flight, or Freeze are common ways to understand this.  They happen at Level 3, and which one we use varies by person and situation.

Ask yourself which of these you feel you need right now. Let that be the basis of your approach. You may need to ask for help from those around you.

  • Calm Down – Things got out of control, and I want to lower the energy.
  • Speed Up – We’re not doing enough to take this seriously.
  • Figure Out – I don’t understand this enough. I want to slow down and not be emotional.

We can prevent getting triggered by practicing or building skills in the following areas:

  • Rest and exercise. A healthy, rested brain works better.
  • Mindfulness/Self-Awareness – Be an observer of you.
  • Build the Purposeful, Unbiased, and Collaborative skills. Each of the four objectives supports the others.

We have conditioning built into the Robot that can cause us to trigger more easily. Each of these conditions your thinking so you don’t get triggered in the first place.

  • Understand fear – there is no bear.
  • Don’t take anything personally.
  • Do a Safety assessment.
  • Have a plan.

When triggered our focus narrows to the source of the trigger. Remember the three levels and notice what they are paying attention to:

  • Level 1: I WANT to fix this, and I’m focused on you.
  • Level 2: I NEED to fix this, I’m done with you, I only card about what triggered me.
  • Level 3: I’m DESPERATE to fix this, and I only care about me.

They may not directly ask for these, but you can sometimes see them:

  • Calm Down – Withdrawn or Uncomfortable
  • Speed Up – Amped Up or Urgent
  • Figure Out – Distant or Interrogating

Spot the energy and match it. Their brain is telling them this is the path to safety. Help them down that path

  • Calm Down: Calm down with them, don’t tell them to calm down.
  • Speed Up: Increase and point your energy towards a solution, not the person.
  • Figure Out: Slow down, don’t be emotional, objectively assess the situation.

 

Collaborative

Our understanding of the world is greatly limited.

Big challenges bring great complexity and a greater need to gather others’ perspectives.

Collaboration builds stronger relationships and buy-in as well.

“Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds.” Alexander Graham Bell

  • Do you truly want to see what you don’t currently see?
  • Our understanding of the world is greatly limited; true collaboration is about borrowing someone else's screen.

Confirmation bias, or seeking out information that validates our current beliefs, can disguise itself as curiosity and collaboration. This can create the Illusion of Collusion.

Your Robot can perceive collaboration as a threat to the Familiar Zone and sound alarms to avoid it.

We may also be hesitant to deeply collaborate out of fear of looking like we don’t already know.

Collaboration can be a clever way to avoid making a decision or having others to share the blame with.

The benefits of collaboration are making better decisions and building stronger relationships and buy-in.

  • Big challenges bring great complexity and a greater need to gather others’ perspectives.
  • It takes time to truly collaborate with others and receive valid results.

Collaboration takes more time – at least in the short term. If it leads to a better decision, it can save time later. But not always.

We have to do the cost/benefit analysis for the time investment required for collaboration. We simply don’t have enough time to collaborate on everything.

  • Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds.” - Alexander Graham Bell
  • Choosing to collaborate is important, but choosing who to collaborate with is just as important.

When searching for the right people to collaborate with, it helps to ask yourself these questions:

  • Who has a viewpoint different from mine?
  • Am I choosing someone just because they agree with me?
  • Will they tell me the truth?
  • Have I built enough emotional capital to ask them?
  • What are my blind spots, and who can see past them?
  • What skills don’t I have?

The purpose of this meeting is to collect, compare, and contrast what different people have on their screens. It's NOT about who's right or wrong, its about understanding the different ways of seeing the situation.

  1. State your intention to listen, learn, and collect information – not necessarily decide.
  2. State your issue.
  3. State your preferences or biases. If you know what you already want to do, ask for help in making sure you are not just confirming your own bias.
  4. Listen, take notes, ask questions, and practice active listening. Manage debates to avoid ideas being pushed aside or people feeling unsafe in offering their point of view.

Others invested their time and energy to help you, so make sure you show your appreciation by letting them know what the outcome was. This prevents the Illusion of Inclusion and builds Emotional Capital.